Recently, we wrote about the twelve signs of a toxic friendship. However, we didn’t mention that this can also include family.
Which leads us to think, what happens when it’s your family that’s toxic?
Being an elder millennial, I’ve had my fair share of toxicity, whether it was “friends” or past relationships. Yet the one that can be the most difficult to realize is family.
Especially since we tend to excuse, or even worse ignore, awful behavior more often. Nevertheless, when is enough, enough? For me, I reached that limit.
Unwarranted behavior and hurtful words from family members always seem to sting the most, perhaps because it’s unexpected since our “guards” are down with them.
Upon reflection, this malicious behavior made me want to take a step back and question some individuals who are in my life.
While cutting out bad seeds can be difficult, especially from a family tree, that doesn’t mean you should tolerate their poisonous vitriol mainly because it can ultimately spread to different family branches.
That kind of damaging relationship can have long-lasting effects on the person involved. So if you’re not sure what the signs are, toxicity can come in all forms, see examples below:
Manipulation
Ostracizing
Gossip
Lying
Sabotaging (rumors/reputation ruining)
Belittling (name-calling, criticizing, or rude remarks then fake joking)
Guilting
Physical abuse
and more
If any of these signs seem familiar, take into account that you have options. Supposed you think instead, you can confront them to break the cycle. In that case, go in with the assumption that you may not get an apology (that expectation may haunt you).
Also, if you confront them, there may not be a sudden shift in the improvement of your relationship dynamic; it may be winding you up more than ever. Any season of Real Housewives is proof of that.
While we can’t control someone’s behavior towards us, we can control our own. For instance, another option is possibly the harshest, but so is putting up with toxicity, which is emotionally draining and also mentally exhausting.
As a result, you can decide to go to the no-contact route.
It’s an emotional boundary that throws the toxic individual(s) through a loop because their mind games are to get a reaction from you. Any form of contact is in your control now.
Refusing to engage in their toxicity strips them of control or power they want and while estrangement is severe, but so is dealing with continual virulent situations. This catch-22 of a decision will probably receive mixed feelings, mostly from those who mistreat you.
So in spite of the ups and downs of familial relationships, your family should never make you feel with the examples mentioned above, healthy relationships are a two-way street.
