Firstly for those unfamiliar with “nice guys,” they’re like Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Recently, I was reminded of such behavior when I received an unexpected phone notification; obviously, it was the “hey how are you” text from the dreaded ex.
Alternatively, a text like this would send my anxiety into a tailspin followed by sharp pangs of nostalgia disguising itself as “the good old days.”
When in reality, it made me realize there are people we should still stay the hell away from.
Without a doubt, they have a superiority complex hidden away, or worse, they’re downright upfront with it and try to seem too good to be true. Until they don’t get what they want, and then it’s Mr. Hyde.
The perfect example of a “nice guy” is Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character in 500 Days of Summer.
Importantly 500 Days of Summer recounts the story of Tom Hansen (Gordon-Levitt) and Summer’s (Zooey Deschanel) relationship from Tom’s perspective.
Clearly, what seems like a rom-com develops to show how “nice guys” idealize perspective girlfriends despite clear signs pointing otherwise.
For instance, Tom’s entitled behavior causes him to project romanticized fantasies thinking of Summer’s Manic Pixie Dream Girl, who’ll give his life meaning or purpose. Yet Tom continues to pursue her.
Increasingly becoming creepily and obsessively attached to what he thinks. Contrastingly Summer downright states she isn’t looking for a relationship.
By the same token, I had an exact situation with my “nice guy,” ex.
Also, projecting a fantasy despite me explicitly saying I prefer taking things slow since relationships aren’t my thing. My hesitance was my intuition in disguise; too bad I didn’t realize it.
Still, it didn’t stop him from defining the relationship to HIS standards and trying to fit me into being what he thinks he needed in his life.
What’s more, is the everyman personification of being “mistreated” and “underappreciated.” Thinking the reason they have it so bad is that they’re too nice.
Their demanding and entitled attitude thwarts their brain of any common decency, “nice guys” think that women owe them the “courtesy” of a reply. However, let me be obvious here; women don’t owe men shit. Especially not a reply.
Nevertheless, “nice guys” think that they’re owed something. Then get angry once they’re rejected, masking their fragile egos.
While in actuality women are reluctant to respond due to dismissing men’s advances can cost us our life.
Or the life of a loved one.
It should be noted that Suzanne Vegges-White Ph.D. of Psychology Today states, “when a man’s pride and sense of self is focused on conquering one particular romantic quest, the need to take action can result in violence.”
“Rejection Sensitivity + Cultural Male Norms + Lack of Emotional Self-Regulation = Violence Risk”.
After I broke things off with my own “nice guy,” my inkling suspicion proved correct.
At first, it started with passive-aggressive song dedications and texts. Trying to guilt me into reconsidering, then the anger came. Even reaching scary several times, but the damage was done.
In the same way that Summer becomes free from toxic “nice guy” Tom, I learned from my past and no longer put up “nice guy” behavior.
Along with having someone fall in love with me because of what they think of me.
I’m not anyone’s Manic Pixie Dream Girl.
Undoubtedly expectations cause heartache and ruin relationships.
Trying to make someone into being your happiness isn’t healthy; it should be an equal partnership. Happiness isn’t your significant other’s responsibility; it’s selfish to think the other person should lift your mood.
Whereas two people should be happy separately but together as well.
